FOUR

We suddenly have a four year old. How is that possible? It seems like I blinked and she's a year older. Yet it also seems like we've always had Olive because we can hardly remember life without her. Following her birth we received two shiny copies of the book "On the Night You Were Born." I tucked them away in the back of her closet, thinking to myself that the night Olive was born is not the kind of magical night celebrated in that children's book. I received a third copy for Juniper, and it now sits on the little shelf in the nursery as part of our regular afternoon rotation that Olive chooses from for me to read to her and Junie. Because four years later, I can now see Olive's birth as a celebration. And celebrate we did.

In full disclosure, we probably over celebrated Olive's birthday this year. And by probably, I mean that we absolutely went overboard and totally overcompensated. For her early start. For the years that we didn't leave our house let alone celebrate birthdays with family or friends. For the birth of her sister. Because that has been immensely life changing for Olive. That being said. Olive's birthday week (as it turned into) was a special, fun and action packed extravaganza. The Sunday before her actual birthday, we were in my hometown of Rochester for Juniper's baptism at my family's church, and we rolled that into a Peppa Pig birthday party for Olive with all of our immediate family and some close friends.

Then she had a celebration at school on Thursday, where she got to wear a birthday crown and bring treats for her classmates. We chose little cups of m&ms because Olive loves them, and they are easy to eat. A lot of kids bring cupcakes for treats, but Olive really doesn't know how to eat something like that yet so we steered her towards something in her repertoire. Of course they were a big hit with the preschool crowd, and Olive had a great day at school. The following day we surprised her when she woke up with an envelope that contained a light rail ticket and an itinerary for the day. We basically planned Olive's perfect day.

It started with me (and the carseat hater) dropping Dain and Olive off downtown at the light rail station. She has been talking about the light rail for a couple of years so to say she was excited for her first trip would be a complete understatement.  They gleefully rode the light rail to the Mall of America where Olive proudly donned her unlimited ride wristband and spent the day going on every ride she was tall enough for at Nickelodeon Universe. This is the girl that can still to this day walk into a place she has been many times before and get so nervous she throws up. Yet she goes on amusement park rides with absolute wild abandon. Loves them. All of them. She didn't even want Dain to ride on the ones that she was tall enough for all by herself. We often find ourselves asking who this kid is and how she got so big.

Later in the afternoon, Junie and I met them at our hotel for the night that is connected to the mall. After we checked in, we took the skyway back to Nickelodeon Universe so I could witness Olive's first trip down the Log Chute, which she was just tall enough to ride with Dain. It's a pretty intense ride, with a significant drop at the end into a pool of water. She loved it of course. No fear. Then I rode a few rides with her, and we topped it off with a family ride on the ferris wheel overlooking the amusement park before deciding to grab something to eat.

Dinner was mostly a disaster. We should have obviously gone to a quick and casual place but instead decided to have a sit down dinner. Our first two choices had unmanageably long waits so we settled on a new Mexican restaurant that had an open table. Olive's gigantic not-at-all kid sized milk came in a styrofoam cup, which she had never encountered before. She made an understandable rookie mistake and squeezed her cup, pushing her fingers all the way through causing probably twenty ounces of milk to spew all over her, the table and the floor. Then she started shrieking that her pants were wet. Indeed they were. I haven't left our house without a change of clothes for Olive in four years, but of course today was the day that we had changed things around since she was with Dain for the day and we'd packed her stuff separately. Rookie parenting mistake. Dain had to take her back to the hotel to change and hustle to the restaurant again, while I fended off the tableside guac, trying to explain that we needed to wait until the birthday girl came back as she was excited to see it. After that fiasco I think we also dropped some silverware on the floor and basically shoveled food into our mouths while alternating holding a wiggly baby that's not quite big enough to sit in a high chair. Needless to say, we were happy to be back to our hotel room and call it a night.

The next morning finally marked Olive's actual birthday. January 30. The big FOUR. We had a birthday breakfast at the hotel restaurant, where Olive felt pretty special getting a stuffed animal. Then we hit the pool, where she happily splashed around finally being able to "swim" by herself with the help of her new lifejacket. Junie was not as thrilled about the water. After swimming we checked out and headed back home for a fairly relaxed day in comparison to the week's excitement. Olive chose chocolate donuts for her dessert that night, and she announced to us that we chose really "fancy" ones. We lit her birthday candle and sang to her...twice. Because she asked for an encore. She went to bed a year older and a happy girl. Perhaps we set the bar too high, but birthdays will always be a big deal around here.

Olive also had her four year checkup this month, and it went well. She is, of course, still a peanut clocking in at the 2.35 percentile for weight and around the 12th for height. But she follows her own curve. We have pumped her full of calories her entire life, and it seems to me she is just destined to be on the smaller side. And that is okay. She checked out as healthy thankfully and her development is typical for her age. We've had a few issues pop up like night terrors and a newfound anxiety about many things like school and getting lost and not knowing where I am at all times and of being scared by Dain if he comes home without Olive knowing. Her pediatrician pointed out that it's really a sign of maturity and more complex thoughts that she even thinks to worry about these things. I pray that it is just a phase because it really affects our daily lives.

Her pediatrician also finally gave us the go ahead to turn her carseat around to be forward facing. Yes, I know. We are pretty much the only people we know who had a four year old still rear facing, but with a petite kiddo it was the safest decision...as her pediatrician gently reminded us for years by saying that it was our decision but that the research shows rear facing is much safer, especially for smaller kids. Science wins. Always. And guilt trips. She is a big fan of the forward facing, and it has of course spawned even more questions from her in the car. We talk about our state park sticker on our windshield every day. In fact, she talks from the moment she wakes up until the moment she finally concedes defeat at night drifting off to sleep against her will. And while I fully admit that she can drive me bonkers some days, I also have moments where I look at her in awe and remember that she didn't really speak until she was two and half years. Or I watch her carefully write her name on 36 valentines for her classmates and think how is this possibly the same kid who they told me would certainly have learning delays. And maybe she will, but she is smart and sweet and kind and we're pretty damn lucky to be where we are four years later.

And now that she is a year older, we have decided to take a leap of faith and make a big change. She remains primarily tube-fed, with around 80-85% of her calories coming from our homemade blends that we tube for breakfast, lunch and dinner. For a variety of reasons, we have hit a wall with the tube feeding, and we are desperate for improvement in Olive's oral eating. As a result, we decided that we are going to attempt a home-based tube wean for Olive. I don't know exactly what this will look like yet, but it's in motion for mid-March. This will surely be a terrifying and emotional process, but hopefully it will be wonderful as well. Because she deserves a shot. To feel hunger. To eat on her own. To not have food and water pushed into her tummy morning, noon and night. To have a mom who doesn't have to double as a feeding therapist. Does she need the tube or is it just a long-standing habit that we are are unnecessarily relying on? I honestly don't know, but I'd like to find out. More to come on this.